[throwaway98797]

Agree that tends to appear / is selfish. My personal experience supports this as well.

However, the moment you start to engage in mitigating behavior you are taking on the other persons frame. You give up your own agency.

This forces you into a defensive position and most people aren’t going to change their minds. They are still going to judge you selfish regardless of how you mitigate the situation.

So why waste the energy? It’s easier to take the small “I’m selfish” hit up front than to stretch it out.

That’s my point that if you are going to do something that others think or in fact does impose negative externalities it is better to accept the straight judgment rather than to argue.

Better in this sense to increase the likelihood of keeping your friends.

People tend to remember how they feel and the more they argue and you still do what you want the angrier they get. Because now you’ve hurt them twice once by being a bad person (which is kinda forgivable) and two by not listening to them (not forgivable).