| I also feel more focused today, but I don’t think it’s because of any of the platitudes in this post. I think it is actually because of circumstance and has nothing to do with conviction, divergence, convergence or anything else in the article. I think it’s more like the feeling you get in times of real and potentially catastrophic danger, when the brain slows down time perception and you focus in on the situation and how to survive. I once felt this when I accidentally backed into and fell about 25 feet into a 50-foot drainage pit. As I fell I had the time to map out the pit in my mind and think about what I suspected, but didn’t know, could be parts of its construction like drainage pipes and other dangers to my falling body. Based on those thoughts I decided to curl my legs underneath me and pitch my upper body forward in hopes that I could land with my lower body first instead of headfirst. My brain also had time to complete one of those “life flashes before your eyes” compilations and I felt an upswell of emotion around images of me and my family, especially my mother for some reason. I hit the water mostly feet first and made my way back to the surface, then swam to a safety ladder as my manager yelled at me to get the hell out of the pit immediately. He later told me that the pit was indeed lined with drainage pipes and that I was incredibly lucky not to have landed on any of them. I have no recollection of any of the actual physical aspects of the fall and I didn’t immediately thereafter either. All of my focus was inward, and - impossibly - I had enough time to both think about how to fall the best way and to reminisce about the life I might soon be leaving. It was only because of the circumstances that was possible, and I’ve only felt similarly during other high stakes situations like a car accident since then. It seems like an immediate and physiological response to danger and the extreme narrowing of potential futures (life or death), and one that countless others have detailed throughout history. The end result is an incredibly narrow focus that completely changes everything from perception of time to clarity of thought and emotion. I think the same is true on a more macro scale of life, where it’s much easier to focus when potential futures are limited. Right now my potential futures (and the related decisions, thoughts, anxieties, workload, etc associated with each of them) have been artificially limited because of the pandemic. I have vastly fewer options in almost every area of life as a result. And with the removal of all those extraneous potential areas of focus or distraction I end up with a surplus of focus for whatever I’m working on or toward. I’ve been working toward the same exact things and nothing has changed to make them more of the “right” things to focus on, and yet my focus is undeniably much stronger because of a lack of other things to focus on. When the horizons inevitably expand I expect to be in the same position as I was before, looking and mostly failing to find focus for what I need to work on. I don’t plan on casting about for something else that will hold my focus, but instead I hope to bring this newfound perspective to bear and try to somehow artificially narrow my options so that I can bring my focus back. If anyone has any suggestions for just how to do so I’d love to hear them. |