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> if you don't have a "women and children first" ethic, you will most likely have an "every man for himself" attitude

The fact that it has to be women and children to you is exactly what I was talking about. That women were, and I guess to certain extent still are, put into a separate category of lesser capability. “Save the children” is a perfectly valid alternative to “every man for himself”. Or children and them parents first. There are multiple ways we could have been “noble” in the face of tragedy, and part of what shaped the idea we did end up with stemmed from a sexist paternalistic idea about adult women.