[paulyy_y]

Sorry for your losses, that is really tough. I appreciate you sharing, it resonated with me. My mom's dad passed away two days ago and in the last two weeks before death a stroke destroyed his ability to speak. Nowhere near the level of locked in but terrible in its own way.

Death really is grim, I haven't had much exposure to it in my life up until losing two grandparents this year - holding my mother as she sobbed was heartbreaking.

I can't help but contrast the idyllic memories I have of my grandparents when I was young and the world was so bright and wonderful to the feelings of dread and sadness now. As if a layer of darkness has been laid over my perception of the world. It feels like hapiness and joy, things I used to find intrinsic to life, are now fleeting constructs that we build in spite of the inevitable. Maybe this is the difference between a youthful perception of the world and a mature one.

[hyperdimension]

I don't mean at all to detract from your story, but I've also had many family members die seemingly one after another in my relatively short life. I've also struggled with (well, maybe) unrelated deep depression all my life, and your last paragraph is so poignant, I just wanted to say thank you for putting a certain feeling that I've always felt into words but have never been able to write.

I'm sorry for your losses.