[maininformer]

I am Iranian, and I have to admit, taarof has been an interesting subject in my social interactions.

With other Iranians, I have no problem reading and sending social cues; with non-Iranians taarof makes me come off as super nice and kind. But what happened, when people repeatedly took me on on my taarofs, I grew silently very spiteful and distanced myself from them. If a guest is staying late we never ask them to leave, we ask them to stay for dinner and that is a cue that I am about to inconvenience myself and you have to leave, but more often than not, in situations like this, I ended up having a guest over for hours and then overnight lol.

It took me a while to rewire my brain to set the boundaries explicitly, and I have to admit it is still excruciatingly painful for me to reject someone; makes me feel very rude. Nonetheless this approach works great, I dare say a more straightforward culture allows for a better mental state by allowing explicit and clear boundaries for oneself.

[thatguy0900]

Funny, I wonder how many guests didn't want to stay for dinner but felt it would be rude to say no. I now I would have stayed out of politeness if someone asked me to stay for dinner while I was in their house.

[SirArtVandelay]

Seinfeld The Pen: Part1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3Vm_ksWreM Part2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrvSKIfccwQ

[admiralspoo]

This sort of thing could also make a great "Darmok"-style Star Trek episode for Data

[js2]

Ask vs Guess.

https://ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-bet...

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/may/08/change-...

[eganist]

> I grew silently very spiteful and distanced myself from them.

I didn't think someone else would reinforce my points throughout the thread. Thanks for your experience; sorry you had to go through this, and it's great to see someone else embrace a more direct approach.