[bliss]

I agree, empathy is a bit fake, you have to guess and I for one will do my very best to guess what others are thinking and feeling, but at the end of the day, being in someone else's shoes is a guess. Compassion is entirely solid though. Both are needed.

[rectang]

My concern with "compassion" is that you can have perfect "compassion" for an adversary you regard as "objectively evil": they may be evil but they're pitiful. Whereas "empathy", to my mind, calls upon you to strive for understanding, however imperfect — making it harder to dehumanize the adversary. But dehumanization tempered by compassion is still better than its pure, distilled form.

[bliss]

"however iperfect" encapsulates exactly my point - we can't know - but jeez, we try as best as we can

[mkolodny]

Instead of guessing how someone feels and what they are thinking, you can ask people what they're feeling and thinking directly. Sometimes people will tell you what they're feeling and thinking without you having to ask - then you can empathize with them just by listening. I think of "empathy" as a synonym for "understanding".

[bliss]

I'm pretty lousy at asking people what they feel, my job role, thankfully, has an optional people management component, I've opted out. However a mandatory (welcome) part of my role is mentoring, coaching, call it what you will. I need to listen to junior members of staff sharing their woes and it's a two way flow of ideas, they often share, or overshare their difficult life moments, and at that point, I hang up my "mentor" role and just listen, I'm not their manager, I'm just their colleage, in fact, their friend. Empathy, as I said is guessing, but I do everything I can to do my best guess