[eyelidlessness]

I didn’t recognize myself as ADHD either. I was diagnosed at 37. If I hadn’t taken a (seemingly separate) mental health dive I probably would never have known. It turns out almost all of my anxiety and quite a bit of my depression are easily traced to dopamine deficiency and (sometimes unhealthy) coping strategies. The way I explain the laundry thing to people who don’t experience it is... almost exactly your wording: if I have a “big” task and a “small” task that have time overlap, stopping the “big” one to do even a few minutes of something else is extraordinarily stressful. I can’t interrupt one for the other. On really bad days, both block each other, like a deadlock. Recognizing that it’s happening and creating basically fictional arbitrary rewards helps.

Obviously I’m not in any way qualified to say one way or the other, but if things like this meaningfully impede your life I’d recommend reading about adult ADHD, see if things feel like they have explanations you’ve never known you needed... and if you do, seek diagnosis.

For my experience when I finally had enough confidence that there was really something to it, I had to read a lot of non-diagnostic literature to really understand how to navigate that process. The DSM criteria are almost entirely designed around diagnosing children, and almost entirely around misbehavior. Adults will not relate to most behavior descriptions and will have developed so many coping alternatives that the answers often form as “well, no, but here is how I’ve learned to compensate”.

Edit: I’d be remiss not to credit the actual human on the internet who gave me the most insight into this and ultimately prompted me to seek diagnosis. For anyone looking for someone who speaks extensively and knowledgeably about adult ADHD, I highly recommend following Erynn Brook on twitter.

[burntoutfire]

> It turns out almost all of my anxiety and quite a bit of my depression are easily traced to dopamine deficiency

In cases like yours, are dopamine levels in brain actually tested (measured in a lab) in patients or is it just conjecture?

[eyelidlessness]

Testing ADHD is based on symptomatic and diagnostic analysis, as well as behavioral testing. Not chemical. Medicinal treatment aids validation of the diagnosis: if stimulants work well and don’t produce the kinds of side effects that people with “normal” brains experience, it can be inferred that the chemical imbalance exists and can be addressed by further treatment.

After my initial diagnosis, my first doctor who treated me said that if I’m being treated appropriately I should be able to sleep while the stimulants are active. Not only could I sleep, when I first started meds, I started taking daytime naps for the first time in my adult life. Even “taking” is an understatement. About an hour after the stimulant (at this time it was ritalin) kicked in, I would zonk so hard that I needed to sleep for anything between 15 minutes and an hour.

[whollacsek]

Thanks for talking about the deadlock! That's what I've been facing the past years...

[eyelidlessness]

I hope you have developed good coping strategies for this. It’s really hard to navigate in the moment! But if you have a good structure for how you approach it, it can really help. For me personally:

- I have a very large set of (recurring, time specific, urgent, and lax) reminders

- I have very clear expectations of removing myself physically from situations that make me feel stuck, and taking dedicated and time bounded breaks

- I have a very internal/non-verbal separate monologue for forgiving myself, particularly when the harm I may have done or be doing is to myself (I’m a very verbal internal monologue person otherwise)

- I reset and recalibrate goals/ambitions/expectations frequently

- I find ways to allow myself helpful fictions and know I’m lying. (Side note: it’s worth noting that many neurodivergent disorders commonly overlap; I’m not diagnosed ASD but strongly suspect I’ll get a positive diagnosis when I’m able to seek one; lying to myself is generally only possible when I acknowledge the falsehood somehow)

- And as mentioned, I create artificial rewards that unblock when I feel blocked. Being (now based on comment feedback) hesitant to describe this as relating to literal dopamine... I give myself invented victories and milestones that are only meaningful and exciting to me, so I can carry on to the next step or stage of a thing I need or want to do

I have no idea if any of this will help. But even just getting external validation of your experience can help. It’s awful to feel like something other people find easy is difficult, when you know you’re generally a capable or even talented person.

I hope however you navigate this, you know you’re not navigating it alone and the things that seem impossible inexplicably aren’t because you’re doing it wrong.