[sector777]

I'm probably similar in age to you and am so sorry to hear what you are going through.

Last year, my single mother's health transitioned from self-sufficient, but secretly hiding chronic problems, to completely unable to care for herself in the course of a day (she bore some responsibility for this, it was not completely an accident). I let the US health care system walk us into a nursing home situation. Some of the health care workers there went to the wall to do what they could, some had no business being health care providers.

I'll never forgive myself for the how it turned out. I don't think I would have done anything substantially different. She did not go gently, it was unpleasant at times and she fought us more than she fought to get better. She lived for 6 months in the nursing home. Maybe I could have stretched it out a few years if I had quit my job, moved into her home and taken care of her myself, but she never would have been self sufficient again. I'm pretty sure I would not have "made it" though that experience though, not sure how else to say it.

I would absolutely personally take care of my wife in our home if she fell ill, and I'm saying that knowing a lot more about the end of life than I used to, how difficult and long it can be. I do not want my children to do this for me.

[DrAwdeOccarim]

Thanks for writing this out, I follow what you're saying and I agree on all three points. That quitting your job to care for your mom's end of life would have been disastrous to your health and well being after she passed, that you will care for your spouse, and that you would want your children to not bear the burden of caring for you at your end of life the same way you saw what that burden would have entailed with your mom. These are all very reasonable positions and I commend you for saying them aloud. I think most people feel the same way but have a hard time articulating it without sounding callous.