[julianmarq]

> perhaps you aren't as good as you think you are at the things you've mentioned [...] not trying to be hostile

I am trying to go through every possible interpretation I can think of in which saying something like this to anyone isn't hostile, and I'm coming up empty.

Could you elaborate how it isn't?

[snowwrestler]

It's confrontational, but there's a big difference between that and hostile.

If a person is consistently upset about not getting what they want, but also not willing to change what they are doing, that person needs a breakthrough. "Maybe you're not achieving your goals because you're not as good as you think you are" can be really useful feedback for someone who is stuck like that. I've both received and given that feedback in an athletic context, for example. It's rarely welcome in the moment, but that doesn't mean it is intended to cause harm; quite the opposite, usually.

[ChrisMarshallNY]

I don't need a "breakthrough." Accepting the status quo was one of the happiest moments of my life. I really don't want to work with people that don't want to accept me for who I am; which is a person that will deliver extremely good work, for fair, respectful treatment. I'm an outstanding team member (you don't last long at a Japanese corporation, unless you do "team" well). I'm optimistic, energetic, and affable.

I've found people who want to work with me, working towards laudable goals, and I do work that I love. I won't starve to death, and there's the very real possibility that what I'm doing will end well. I'm pretty good at what I do, and what I do, is make stuff that works.

It gives me the luxury of saying "Guv! Why's that chap in the crown starkers?".

Whenever there's a back-and-forth about LeetCode tests, it eventually gets down to "Well, I was hazed, so you get hazed, too."

That sounds like a sensible baseline for selecting engineering staff.