| We just moved here and are still not quite on our financial feet after some personal disasters last year. Been there. I get you. How should I proceed? Just suck it up until I find a new job? You really don't have a choice about staying on until you find a new job, it seems. What you do have a (very significant) choice in -- is to what extent you continue to internalize and play along with this person's (and really, by extension, his boss's and the company's) attempts to make you feel inferior. Which, to be clear - you absolutely do not have to "suck it up", or otherwise play along, even if it looks like you will have to stay on the job for a while until something else comes long. Not that this means confronting the bully and letting him know you're not going to take it anymore (which in a way plays into his game). But rather, you may want to look into strategies for "radical detachment". Meaning first: understand, and keep reminding yourself that the nasty things he's saying have nothing to do with you (and are ultimately about his own feelings of inferiority). Ditto for all the other stuff (apart from the outright nastiness) -- the credit whoring, finger pointing, etc -- or even what other people in the company think of you, You just have to keep reminding yourself that none of this stuff matters. It may even help to say this to yourself every morning over coffee before you log on (or otherwise "go to work"). Second - consider investing in a few hours of emergency counseling (with a professional therapist), to help you solidify the above strategy. Should only cost a couple of hundred bucks, but if it helps you earn a few extra thousand in padding until you've pulled yourself out of that place, it will definitely be worth it. Finally, here's a useful mental model I've come up with when having to deal with toxic work environments: "Paid job search". Your employer has failed you, pure and simple. At this point you owe them absolutely nothing -- and if you need to dip into their till, by holding onto your salary while you look for another job (whilst doing the bare minimum of work as necessary - really, just forget about writing code with any eye towards long-term maintainability from now on) -- then so be it. Their fault, their loss. Nothing to do at this point but stand up for Number One (that's you of course) -- and get out of that situation, as soon as convenient and comfortable for you to do so. |