[emptyparadise]

I wonder if there's a way to jolt one's brain into the right place for the first scenario without coming as close to death as possible. Seems like there's a lot more out there for thrill seekers than tired people.

And I have to say, having experienced the tiredness but not the "tipping over" I find myself pretty afraid sometimes.

[kls]

I can tell you after I had my attempt, when I returned to rational thought it scared the crap out of me. So when I decided that it was a done deal I took efforts to hide my body. I did not want to be found, I live in a chain of islands and went to a remote island where no one goes. My intent was that I knew that there is a lag time between drugs taking effect and the actual physical death. Anyways, I choose the island because it is not connected via bridge and no one ever goes to it. It was by pure happenstance that a young couple was camping on that island that day.

Anyways, I bring this up because there was systematic planning in my mind. If you find yourself going over the details it's time to raise your hand and tell someone. I did not really give a shit at that point so actually telling someone would have been easy but I also did not want people to thing I was seeking attention.

Anyways, when I came too I was pretty surprised to find that I was still alive and I set about a plan to ensure that I did not attempt again. For about a year, I would envision my daughters walking down the aisle without me, my sons seeing their first born. My wife, experience this all without me and growing old alone. It was enough for me to see the effect and pain my absence would cause other people. For the time, I could not live for myself, but I could live for them. Eventually I learned to live for myself again.

I find myself pretty afraid sometimes.

My contact info is in the profile, I am a complete stranger. Sometimes they are the easiest to talk to. If you ever find yourself at the tipping point, my door is always open, please contact me if you get there.