[Foivos]

> He eventually said he found all women of my wife's race "unattractive" and then could not understand why I was upset at him.

Obviously, I am not aware of the full context of the conversation you had or even his tone and this could make a huge difference.

But I have to note that he did not call a whole race "stupid" or "lazy" or anything else objectively racist. He just expressed a sexual preference. What is wrong with that? If your wife was red-haired and he had said that he found red-hair unattractive, would it be offensive?

[arolihas]

It would be very rude to say something like that to your friend. He effectively called a whole race ugly in his eyes. We don’t know the race mentioned but I think you can imagine a context where that would be considered more offensive and sensitive than red hair.

[Foivos]

I agree. It shows at minimum lack of empathy / interpersonal skills and at maximum an attempt to offend him.

It is not racist though.

[arolihas]

Ok so? OP never said his friend was racist. I don’t understand why you feel the need to split hairs on this point.