[sweetheart]

I mean this with only compassion and a deep sense of empathy - you should consider therapy if you aren’t already going. What you’re describing sounds like Hell, and my first thought is that life doesn’t need to be that way for anyone. You are a source of immense value to the world, and if you don’t agree, it just means you can’t see what others can yet.

[agumonkey]

second this somehow, don't grind long term like this, life is supposed to be acceptably cool, and even if it's a battle a times, it's better served with a goal that you find worth fighting for so no anger but just drive