[anonymousiam]

I've never been gay or bi, and I've never used Grindr, but I have held government security clearances for almost 40 years. It's a lot different today than it was back then. Early on, I knew several people who had "experimented" in college, and they were denied clearances. (Actually the government never officially denied them because that would require an explanation of the criteria used for the denial. Instead, it was perpetually "pending".) Anyway, the basis for their denial was the potential for blackmail, which is a serious national security threat. Sometime within the past 25-30 years, they seem to have revised their policies so gay/bi people can get cleared, as long as they are open about it.

[sneak]

Foreign governments blackmailing US government staff is only one side of the equation. There is, of course, the whole "but what would the wife/churchfellows think?" issue, still, but there are still many countries that do not take the same enlightened view that the US does.

It's entirely possible that even the ability to verify that a particular email address has a Grindr account may be enough to threaten a person with imprisonment or death in several countries I can think of off the top of my head.

[thefreeman]

verifying that an email has an account is unfortunately always unavoidable. all you need to do is attempt to register with that email.

[lolc]

Fortunately it's easily avoidable: You defer checking address status until you send the mail out.

So when an email-address is entered to create an account, you always respond with "pending email verification". Then you send an email saying "Someone is registering an account with us using this address." And then, when the account already exists, you continue with "lol it already exists. If this was you, you can click to reset your password". If there is no account under that address, you send the "please click to verify" mail. At no point does this process expose the status of the address.

[codetrotter]

We could do better by letting the web UI say nothing about that and only in the email that we send we tell someone that they already have an account.

[fpig]

So were they denying clearances to openly gay people back in the old days? Because there wouldn’t be potential for blackmail in that case. Sorry I can’t tell what you’re saying changed about the policies.

[neltnerb]

Thirty years ago George Bush Senior was president, Reagan has recently left office, and the United States government was handling HIV poorly and intentionally so.

Sodomy laws were still on the books - can you keep a clearance while openly breaking the law every time you and your partner sleep together?

[fpig]

I don't know, that's why I asked since the original commenter seems to know, but his original comment doesn't really answer it as it basically says "they used to deny clearances to secretly gay people, and today they grant them to openly gay people".

[nestorD]

> gay/bi people can get cleared, as long as they are open about it

That's what I have been told is the current policy in France. As long as you cannot be blackmailed with it, it is good.

[Saint_Genet]

I have Swedish security clearance, and I was never even asked during the interview but I must assume the know since an even cursory glance at my social media would reveal I’m gay.

[kortilla]

It’s not really being bi that’s the problem here so much as cheating on a wife secretly

[chepaslaaa]

It's only cheating if you're breaking a rule to not sleep with other people. Swingers aren't cheating (assuming they're respecting any agreed upon boundary) when they're having an orgy for example.

A bi man with a wife and a family could very well be having sexual encounters with men once in a while with the agreement of his wife (who could well have her own stuff going on too) and it could be a very healthy thing in what is a fulfilling relationship for both parties.

[carlob]

You might be right morally, but in a lot of countries it is still the case that 'not having sex with other people' is a compulsory clause of the marriage contract. So legally it's a little bit murkier.

People have been advocating for marriage contracts that are a bit like the CC license, where you can pick the parts that you agree on.

[mgbmtl]

Marriage is on its way out in many places. In my region of Canada (Quebec), less than 50% of couples with kids are married. That number keeps going down every year.

(There are some automatic protections in the event of a separation.)

[np_tedious]

Are bi guys that much more likely to do this than straight ones? I could believe 2x, but it doesn't seem like an order of magnitude kind of difference

[ohyeshedid]

It's more about them keeping it secret; secrets are some of the most valuable currency.

[setr]

But then it has nothing to do with being bi... unless they're secretely bi, in which case it has nothing to do with cheating...

[reanimus]

Factually speaking yes but practically speaking gay/straight people tend to be doubly touchy about their partner "playing for the other team" so to speak. Which... I mean, cheating is cheating is cheating lol

[thatguy0900]

Doesn't everyone cheat on their wife secretly? Otherwise it's not even cheating.

[ohyeshedid]

A wife might be accepting of a husbands bisexual adventures and not consider it cheating. What about her parents, his parents, children, family, coworkers, congregation, community, etc.

I wasn't speaking directly to that, moreso that secrets have value. Some people would reveal their secrets rather than be controlled with them, others will define the value of their secrets by what they're willing to do maintain them.

[SteveNuts]

It's easier for a straight person to pass off a straight dating/hookup site vs. a "straight" married person on a gay/bi site. The straight person can just say they used the site before they were married, etc. whereas there's no such excuse for the gay site.

[rocqua]

It's not about cheating. It's about people other than your spouse learning you have sex with men.

This remains something quite a lot of people want to remain secret.