| This is a problem that I had down to the word ( except being able to give presentations, you got me on that ), and fixed. Here is my short guide. 1: Read everything written here - http://30sleeps.com/blog/ , particularly the old stuff is relevant. 2: Find 2-3 groups of people who you know none of. Many people do this at university. This is a clean slate. Worst case, you never talk to these people again. 3: ( This plan does not involve becoming a drunk ) Booze. Varying quantities of it. In different situations. Watch how you act, if you act differently or get over your social anxiety, watch how you do it, and the results that you get. 4: Back to sober. Make an absolute fool of yourself being overconfident. Don't be a huge asshole, people do have feelings. Keep in mind things that you learned in steps 1 and 3. Watch what happens. Make mistakes. Do it wrong. 5: Apply lessons learned in everyday life. That is abstract. Tangibly, I did 1, 3, then 2. Step 2 was local games of Manhunt, and university Debate.
Step 4 was me acting much like my drunk self. Mixing in the behavior I saw in more confident people. I did this at manhunt and I did this on trips to debate tournaments. When it got too stressful, I listened to "Come on Sea Legs" by Immaculate Machine. Over and Over again.
Gradually ramped it up, made myself say yes to every opportunity. Went out on a limb more and more. It probably helped that debate forced me to stand in front of people and talk with no more than 15 minutes preparation. I was really really godawful at first, and got better. Remember, you will fail a lot. Don't do Toastmasters. Do open mic night, do karaoke, ideally do debate at your local university ( they will have absolutely 0 problem with this at most universities ) My end result was a personality which shares a lot with my drunk ( more honest, to the point ) self. It also shares a lot with the more confident friends I have had through my life. In no way do I feel that I am "faking" it (anymore). Getting rid of the social anxiety wholesale solved everything else. Including the not knowing how to have an interesting conversation. |