| >If I was in a monogamous relationship where I had agreed to not have sex with anybody else, and the other person for the duration of that relationship refused to have sex with me - is that not abusive? There are two sides of the coin here. Absolutely. But the response to such a situation shouldn't be to push your partner (who, presumably, you care about) to do something he or she doesn't want to do. If someone is in that situation, there are clearly issues with the relationship that are bigger than just whether or not you get to stick it anytime you feel like it. As such, if you value that relationship, it would probably be of value to communicate about what may be behind the issue. And if your partner is unable or unwilling to at least attempt to do so, that's absolutely abusive and detrimental to the relationship. At that point, you need to ask yourself if it's possible to rescue the relationship. You seem to be under the misapprehension that I view relationships only through the lens of consent. I do not. In order to make a relationship work, everyone must be willing to communicate, be patient and compromise. And that extends to sex too. And there's a difference between "Oh honey! The kids just wore me out today. Let's get some sleep and we can get my sister to take the kids for the weekend and we'll smear every piece of furniture with our bodily fluids!" and "Don't touch me, asshole!" In the former scenario, you might reasonably take some steps to encourage your partner to push past their fatigue and enjoy each other. However, even in that instance, if your partner for whatever reason, is still unwilling, you do not have the right to demand sex. In the latter scenario, one would expect that rather than pressing the issue, you'd try to understand why your partner is not only unwilling to to have sex, but why they're so hostile. In either case, you do not have the right to insist that your partner do stuff they don't want to do. Why is that so hard to understand? |