[vegancap]

Don't expect to be anything but terrible for the first couple of years, be realistic with yourself, most of us are. It takes years to build up enough engineering knowledge to be proficient in most cases. Even then you will still have blind spots and short-comings. I'm approaching 10 years now, and I still unearth really obvious things I didn't know from time to time. I only really understood heap vs stack very recently (I've been mostly doing web stuff, so I never really needed to know it until I started learning Rust...). Go easy on yourself, accept your limitations and keep going. The shroud will slowly lift, you'll suddenly notice you're doing more and more on auto-pilot, without needing to look everything up. You'll pick up more CS concepts along the way. Embrace the process, but know that there's no such thing as being 'naturally bad' at something, with the right practice and patience you can be as good as anyone else. Good luck, keep at it!