[richardlblair]

Facts - We all suck at this.

This career is so subjective it hurts. There are no right solutions, only okay solutions. There are also so many different types of programmers. It's okay to be the hackish type. That type drives value to customers while unearthing complexity so that the system can be rebuilt around that complexity... To further my point about "types", there is going to be a whole subclass of dev that will read what I just said and think "No, you must find complexity before writing code!". Usually this type has pulsating veins in their forehead. Guess what? We need them too...

On surface level knowledge - this is the most powerful thing ever if utilized properly. Once you know enough high level concepts you can organize them into a plan and dive deep on them. There is no use in knowing everything deeply. Strive to learn depth only when it's required.

On beating yourself up - Stop. It's not helping you. Find the value in what you do and how you do it, and then go deeper on that. You'll create yourself a niche. A good manager will see it, and you'll quickly start getting passed around a company so you can go do that thing you do.