[emerged]

I've never really liked platitudes like "family is everything" and "nothing matters without relationships" -- they don't seem to come from a good place. People who lack these things may enjoy their lives every bit as much, what's the point of denigrating their life?

[nonbirithm]

Every time it is me that ends up losing interest in the people around me. At some point I decided to recognize that if I was not going to put in the effort to build relationships then there was no sense in putting myself down for not having them built up later. But at the same time when I meet new people, no matter how many things we both like, if they are not purposefully inviting me over then I will stop caring about them and return to having no friendships again. That is entirely on me.

It isn't like they are bad people, but there are other things I will inevitably end up gravitating to instead.

But it isn't like I'm alone because I have other things to occupy my time. There are times that I did wish I had other friendships but I end up putting those feelings aside when I start working on something. For better or worse I am lucky to be able to say this. Some artists say they can only survive and keep working by being able to be alone for extended periods of time.

When I don't get too attached to anyone the pain of losing them doesn't really come. And the people I do care about I've actually made miserable and angry by the number of times I've brought up that I am going to die someday and that I'm trying to live in the moment with them and acknowledge the transience of being alive with them. At some point continuing to acknowledge the fact that being alive and having known them is a miracle in front of them is counterproductive, and in the end it probably doesn't make dying any less painful.

After doing all that I don't understand what else I can possibly do but continue being alive.

[somjeed]

Likely projecting their own existential fear of loneliness. Fear is not a good place