[JesseMeyer]

There was no pulling up. And there was no ground beneath my feet. Just an endless ocean with no points of reference by which to orient oneself.

So the only course of action was not to search for rocks to cling to, but of learning how to swim, and dive in. As backwards as it may read, I only felt secure after having let go of myself.

As odd as this description may sound to someone who has not experienced this, it is instantly recognizable to those who have -- which helped discover others who traversed this before. It so happens that Buddhists have a rich tradition for navigating these waters, which helped satisfy my intellectual curiosity of what was happening. To know that I was not 'defective' but merely in an initial stage of 'unlearning' was a big jolt of positively to my psychology.

[charliemil4]

Thank you for the amazing and thoughtful help - it feels like I need to go down for a long nap.

[totetsu]

Like when you lose your gopro in the surf and you don't have any goggles on.

[kanyethegreat]

> that Buddhists have a rich tradition for navigating these waters

What topics could I read about to learn more about this?

[JesseMeyer]

I highly recommend as an introduction Alan Watt's 'The Way of Zen', that covers, in great detail, the cultural background, history and practice of Buddhism, in its prominent forms, and its roots in India / Hinduism -- all of which are necessary to comprehend even basic 'traditional' buddhist literature, after having become so institutionalized over the centuries as to have obscure many of the original, and plain to state, insights with now archaic ways of thinking but nevertheless have been maintained essentially untouched.

Then, follow your nose through the bibliography. =)

[Mo3]

Yep, that rings a bell. :)

All the best to you.