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I had a similar personal reaction after getting into a high speed car crash (mechanical failure of my car, while traveling at 70 mph on the highway. Entered a spin, slid off the road, did at least one complete roll). 8 years later, I still sometimes think of all the ways the crash could have gone differently that would have resulted in my death. If I was going a little faster, my car could have ended up in the irrigation ditch and caused me to drown. The 220 lb combat robot in the trunk it could have killed me during the tumble (it tore through its straps and ripped through the back seats into the car). If I had a passenger, the only part of the roof that wasn't crushed in was the driver. A passenger could've easily been killed. The result was a few superficial injuries (bruises from seatbelt and airbag system). Unscathed otherwise. Woke up thinking the car was on fire (was smoke from airbag) and crawled out. Walked down the street to find my phone (it was in my backpack which flew out a window during the crash) and called for an ambulance. These are natural human reactions, but the sad truth is that many of the things in our lives come down to luck. You can only do so much to make your environment safer. I, for one, have never transported another one of those combat robots inside my vehicle. edit - 220 pound combat robot, not 300. |
But I don't really think about it anymore and I don't carry it with me as anything more than a memory of an incident. Objectively, minor changes to circumstances could have led to my death, but contemplating that brings me no fear or anger.
This reminds me of the fact that most soldiers going through combat don't actually get PTSD¹. Even among those seeing horrific things it's not that high².
It's not a tough vs weak thing, imho, just an accident of how we are. I didn't do very much to be 184 cm. I didn't do very much to have functioning lungs. I didn't do very much to walk away from a car crash and be suicidal for two weeks and then have no adverse effects after.
¹ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2891773/
² https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/why-some-...
³ My life was fine, no one else was hurt, and I had a slightly strained calf. The desire for suicide was not driven by reason.