[rticesterp]

I found this video to be fairly demeaning towards women. I got the sense of entitlement that he deserves to sleep with a certain number of women. He should be less set on the numbers and more focused on the women that do respond.

I haven't online dated in 10 years but I had more success when I focused more on quality than quantity.

[claudiawerner]

As much as I appreciate your point, I've heard that dating is very much a numbers game for men, and that's not out of a misguided focus on quantity over quality. In online dating, it's extremely common to be in a situation where the other party, if they respond at all, seems unable to answer with anything but one-word responses, and it's diifficult or impossible to have a conversation like that. A focus on quantity is actually an optimisation, becuase to have a chance at quality you need quantity.

Women suffer precisely the opposite problem when dating online: a barrage of first messages, most of them low quality, from just about every man who has seen their profile. Therefore, the pressure on men to get anticipate and navigate this situation is even greater - either by sending a well thought out and canned message to multiple women (to beat the other men), or to spend a longer time customizing a message to each woman. The second is typically a losing strategy when the response rate is so low.

There are some good writeups using results from subreddits for dating on Reddit which iterate on this point. It's worth noting that Tinder is great for validation so long as you're getting a lot of messages. In fact, it's so good, I've heard of people simply swiping through matches because they enjoy the idea that so many people are into them. It's the dating version of the 'refresh your HN profile to see if you have more upvotes' game.

I'd like to end on another, related point. Often, people claim that men get so few matches and/or responses because they have a bad time taking photos of themselves, and tend not to bother nearly as much as women tend to. From what I can gather, this is far from the truth; most women's profiles and photos have just as bad craftsmanship as men's do.

I suspect this is one of the biggest changes in the dating world within the past 10 years.

[CarbyAu]

Thanks for saving me time watching the video.

[graeme]

The dating section starts at 1:52. He says he had days of swiping with no matches, whereas his white friends had matches.

The comment you’re replying to has completely misrepresented the video. You can’t focus on “quality” if you have no matches.

The dating comment was a ten second section of the video. Ironically, the conclusion of the story is the man realizes online dating doesn’t work for him and he focussed on quality dating in real life.

[CarbyAu]

Fair enough.

Thinking further, "using a dating platform meaningfully"(often paying) you would expect some level of service from that platform.

Assumptions often are: - dating service members represent all of society, IE "Everyone is doing it!"

- someone out there is for me, I just have to find them"

- paying this business will result in them helping me. People get dates on there all the time!

And so paying for a service resulting in zero dates is a pretty poor result.

Hence it is less, "women should want him" IE relationship between him and women. And more, "I am paying for a service that doesn't work!" which is about the relationship between him and dating platform.

Ultimately I think the original assumptions are wrong, likely skewed because of dating platform marketing. Who would've thought marketing causes problems in society!