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I'm a male of above average height who (by western standards) would probably rate as fairly attractive thanks to some lucky genetics. Those inherent characteristics are only part of the picture, though; at various times in my life I have varied in attractiveness greatly (i.e. deciding to work out, maintain a proper weight, and generally paying attention to my appearance), so I have experienced both sides of this effect (I imagine many attractive people have had similar experiences; remaining "attractive" is non-trivial). People do, clearly, have a bias towards whatever their standard of attractiveness is. I don't think this is really a controversial observation; it's subtle in some situations, overt in others, but it almost never disappears. This is also enhanced by another effect the article doesn't really hit on: confidence. Once you realize people perceive you as attractive, you start to understand how this advantage tilts the world in your favor. You realize people may listen a bit more, so you speak up a bit more. You start putting yourself out there and more and more opportunities fall into your lap. This is, as I hinted above, something that people can make a conscious effort to achieve. I've got certain genetic advantages, and I acknowledge that, but it's amazing how far simple physical fitness, careful grooming, and confidence can go. For men who perceive themselves as unattractive, I would strongly recommend that you put forth the effort to become attractive, even if your own self-image is that you are unattractive. Your genetic predisposition may set limits and boundaries on how far you can take this effect, but if you even move the needle a little bit you can start to see gains (I'd not presume to make any such recommendation to women, because although I feel confident that attractiveness has never hurt me as a male, I do not know whether attractiveness is such a "clear win" for women). It's unfortunate that humans are wired this way, but you might as well take advantage of it. |
In dating, I've always heard two rules:
1. Be attractive 2. Don't be unattractive
What's attractive is very subjective. But what's unattractive is almost universal. Take a shower, wear antiperspirant, groom your hair, and make an effort to be in good physical shape. Men, if you're growing a beard, groom it. If not, shave it regularly. I look back at pictures of my early 20s when I shaved like once a month out of laziness, and damn I looked terrible. #BlunderYears
I've seen first-hand people that believe they've failed at #1, so they ignore #2.