[ncarroll]

I think you are on to something with the need for combining compassion for all parties with nearly every emotion in a relationship. If she wasn't always like this maybe she is feeling now like she is in over her head and doesn't know how to admit that to a world she feels is expecting her to perform flawlessly. Sometimes, always needing to be right can be a form of frustration and criticism an expression of helplessness. In that case, maybe talk is less helpful.

I am not a psychologist. I'm only speaking from my own experience, but it is helping me in a situation something like yours to look carefully at circumstance and hear criticism gently, less personally. I am finding that "a little less talk and a little more (compassionate) action" is key in my situation. I wish you the best of luck finding the key to yours.