[bryanrasmussen]

yeah if someone is passed over at work for a promotion they've earned making the fear argument is possible (that they fear they will lose status as you say, or maybe get fired) - but really at that point it's in the past. Fear is a future directed emotion.

It seems to me that the anger is not driven by fear of loss of power it is driven in a case like this by envy of the reward one lost out on. by envy of lack of access to more power.

I am in a very unfair relationship right now and my anger is not fear driven, as in what will happen in the future, it is generally anger at what is the current situation. Thoughts of - If they had not done X I would not be in condition Y.

To turn that into a fear situation you have to ignore what I say is the cause of my anger, then postulate something like "he fears condition Y being permanent, or condition Y turning into condition Z" when condition Y should provide ample grounds.

Actually the more I think of this fear thing as the root of anger the more messed up it seems to me, because it seems structured around people never caring about their current or past situations but only about the future, and I don't think real people act like that.

somewhat facetiously - Are you sure this fear theory wasn't created by an economist?

[EGreg]

I think anger is a human response to unfairness, its function is signaling and calling attention to a willingness to escalate.

Animals have similar emotions. Bruce Shneier has written a great book “liars and outliers”, which talks about how we maintain the trust society needs to operate.

Studies it cites have shown that people are willing to take a loss to punish others who they perceive are cheating and breaking rules, especially if they do it all the time.

Anger is often the response by those affected, and to a lesser extent those who enforce norms, to systematic rule breaking, and accomplishes the two things:

1) Unmistakably calling attention to the issue and oneself

2) Signaling a willingness to escalate to mutual loss if need be, if the behavior persists

So, to say it’s driven by fear is too reductionist! It serves a major function in human interactions. Consider Steve Jobs’ reaction when Google was going to go ahead with the Android.

Finally, if you want to avoid anger in your own relationships, the key is to hold people to a lower standard and expect less of them as ethical and rational human beings. People find it hard to do because, to stop fighting with someone, you have to greatly lower your respect them in certain areas. But the funny thing is, they will often appreciate you for doing this, and never wanted that respect! Not really, anyway.

[paulryanrogers]

As to relationships, consider that sometimes anger comes from others' expectations of you. That isn't something easily changed, and accepting their demanding ways may just enable bad behavior.