[sergeykish]

My family become dysfunctional, dreams up to death shattered, all the sacrifice for nothing. Several last years was living in horror.

Each day I strive not to become a zombie. It is easy to live in fantasies, dreams, movies, there is no exit there.

My way out is to resolve inner conflict by singing. Start from some truth - we cry when hurt, sometime can stop it, sometimes not. But there is a need. So find some really private place - forest, bathroom - and try to allow that voice. One note would be enough. It will sound awful. Do not be hard on yourself. It is mismatch between reality and expectations that hurts. No need to push it harder. Thoughts stream through mind, all the lies and unjustice, I try to not interfere. Finally there is a match between thoughts and reality - pain and support. Hours later it sounds like lullaby and I can finally see beautiful forest around.

It is hard to describe, previous attempt https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23269320