[scandox]

Everybody's situation is different but in our case we did sleep training around 4 months and we had whole night sleep from then on - with a few minor regressions and a bit more training.

My wife found letting the baby cry out very difficult so I did have to be quite firm about it...

But my daughter is 8 now and doesn't seem the worse for it ... As far as I can tell.

Edit: only mentioning this in case anyone is in despair and wants to try something different.

[codr7]

Sleep training, so that's what they call it now.

My mom tells me it was standard practice back when I was born, they used to say it was good for their lungs as well, but she couldn't do it either.

They will eventually shut down in self-defense to escape the terror of being abandoned by their parents.

All I can say is it doesn't sound like a very good idea to me, no matter how convenient.

[scandox]

I think "convenient" may be a mild understatement. Many parents are enduring serious mental health issues because of their inability to sleep. I should say that was not our case.

> They will eventually shut down in self-defense to escape the terror of being abandoned by their parents

Perhaps. I don't think we actually know what's going on in a baby's mind. Children appear to be amazingly resilient and also quite logical.

But as with all such advice you have to respect your own instincts as a parent and take cognizance of what the child's temperament is like. It's always different.

[codr7]

I have two children, I get it. But no one ever promised it was going to be easy.

Lack of sleep wouldn't be as big of a problem if we didn't force parents to work as well as raising children. Children are our future, messing them up to fit our messed up society is not a long term solution.

I agree about trusting your instincts, but that's not what I'm seeing. When a child cries the typical parental instinct would be to hold them.

[cwp]

Nothing about this is convenient. Letting a baby cry and not providing comfort is emotionally shattering. Spending hours trying get a baby to sleep without abandoning them is exhausting. Caring for a sleep deprived baby is exhausting, physically and emotionally. Doing any of this without having enough sleep yourself makes it 10x worse.

The fact is, parents and babies both need to sleep to be healthy and happy. Most parents are trying to achieve that, and have to try a bunch of things before they figure out what works for their situation. Try not to judge.

[Al-Khwarizmi]

Yeah, I respect other people's decisions in this kind of subjects because not enough is known to be very sure.

But my feeling is that if nature makes babies cry (and do so in such a way that arises feelings of urgency, as every parent will know from experience) it's because it wants us to attend to them.

Of course, sometimes overriding nature's defaults can be a good idea, especially if one knows what they're doing. But it's not the case, so I'd rather err on the side of caution.

[dhruvkar]

We've attempted this with our daughter several times from 6 to almost 10 months now.

Just can't do it, it feels wrong. Obviously not science-based, but we haven't been able to do it for more than a few days at a time.

[dhosek]

We used the methods in this book http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0345497791/donhosek (there's a non-twin version as well) with good results. We didn't just let the kids cry it out, and we had kids sleeping through the night by three months and a regular sleep schedule at four months. It's worth noting that most young kids are sleep deprived and making sure that they get enough sleep makes a big difference in their overall behavior.

It's also worth noting with kids that once you figure out how to deal with them, they enter a new developmental phase and all the rules change.

[cwp]

I used the non-twin version, and recommend it to all my friends when they become parents. It changed our lives. Having a well-rested child makes a world of difference.

[dhruvkar]

That's awesome.

What sorts of techniques did you try? Sort of a gradual letting them soothe themselves for longer and longer periods of time?

[jjeaff]

How much crying without being tended to do you think is terrifying?

Most sleep training I have seen says to let them cry for up to 15 minutes before getting them.

We usually let ours cry for up to 5 minutes before picking her up. She would rarely cry for more than a minute or two before just falling asleep.

[popotamonga]

My 2yr old cries/screams so loud i'm starting to get hearing issues. And can do so for 1 whole hour until i give up first.

[BrandoElFollito]

We had all kind of theories too, up to the moment we said fuck it and took our son with us into our bed.

We slept, oh sweet sleep. Zero guilt.

The second one was sleeping in his bed 3 seconds after putting him in. He still does at 14 yo.