[sprusemoose]

had a breakdown from loneliness which wasn't a fun time. Something flipped a switch and it felt like system1 shut off system2 for like 4-5 days... Went on a rollercoster ride of pure emotional/reactionary cause and effect[Thinking fast and slow]. Lucky I didn't blow my brains out, I think if I had been treated worse or I had been a worse human I might have.

anyway now that I've brought everyone down~... the upside is it made me realize how important the different ways of being happy are! Not just focusing on other people, not just focusing on myself, not just focusing on what's pragmatic, not just focusing on feeling good in the moment, having happiness in being dominant, having happiness from being submissive etc etc

Previously most of my happiness had come from masculine internal thinking [Carl Jung] type activities.. understanding the world, formulas for making money, formulas for how things work, making myself better etc.. So I drew a matrix of different types of happiness and went from there..

eg: Feminine external feeling: Latin Dancing

(Feminine in my meaning being 'equal' vs masculine (dominant/submissive)

Not the smartest dude here, not putting this on anyone, just thought I'd share~