[pinopinopino]

I didn't have real structure inside me. It sounds perhaps weird to you, but that was how it felt. Like I was some sort of chameleon, just going with whatever came upon my path. Life felt as a fast paced river with shit loads of debris in it and I had to try to not drown by grabbing things around me.

That was because I had a relative safe and warm childhood and suddenly when my parents died, I still had my brother. But when my brother went suddenly bad, that was gone too. There was no base to stand on. I just had a child, no papers, no parents and no family I could stand one. Desolated, nobody to lean against and with that the inner structure was gone.

I am grateful I can give my kids a safe childhood now and can restore what I have broken. Now story time is over, I have been far to honest with strangers on the internet. A bad habit :)