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by mikekchar
2210 days ago
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Not OP, but I agree completely (even though I find it hard)! Really. Never. It will never, ever give you any benefit at all to speak ill of your spouse. It will give you nothing to act unkindly. It will only cause your spouse to feel justified in doing the same. As the other poster said, there are times when you should walk away from situations. There are healthy relationships and there are unhealthy relationships. If you honestly don't believe that the relationship can be a healthy one, it's time to leave. Especially if you are suffering from any kind of abuse in the relationship and you have unsuccessfully tried to resolve it, don't hesitate. Don't make or accept excuses. Heck, don't feel you even need to resolve the issue if you are getting serious abuse. Just leave. There is no reason to retaliate in any way. Doing so will hurt you as well. The situation is what it is. You can explain the situation, explain your feelings and leave it at that. Or if you can't safely explain things (for fear of retaliation from the other side), then just leave without an explanation. Start the healing process immediately. Don't start a knife fight and then crawl away even more wounded. For smaller issues, I've found (much to my dismay) that if my wife is doing something that hurts me, she is completely unaware that it hurts me. Even if it obvious to me that it should be hurtful, it's not obvious to her. If I'm snarky about it, then she is hurt. Now it is doubly hard to improve the situation. If she is not hurt, then it is relatively easy to have a non-confrontational conversation about what happened. I control all of the hurt feelings, because they are mine. If she is hurt, then I have to rely on her to work out her feelings in addition to listening to my problems. It very rarely works out well. |
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