[burlesona]

I was told before getting married that the single most dangerous thing to a relationship is contempt, and that if you want the marriage to last, never tolerate contempt from either person.

That has turned out to be very good advice. Every now and then one of us will have a moment, we'll say something contemptuous, and the other will call it out immediately. Because we both had that understanding, right off the bat, it's like this escape hatch to conflict that cuts things off before they become hurtful.

Keeping "the spark alive" I think is difficult with kids. Really, you need quality time alone together, which becomes very hard to get. I think to some degree one of the important things beyond the "no contempt" rule is to remember that one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is a healthy and loving family, and in that you can start to find a new respect for your partner as the fellow parent of your child. There can be a really special camaraderie where you're "in it together" doing this difficult job of raising a young child.

It does get easier as the kids get bigger. 9-18 months is pretty difficult, but it's partially offset because after age 1 they start being so much more interesting, and by 2 the personality is really developed and a lot of fun.

It's hard, but worth it. Hang in there!

[ido]

As a parent of 2 boys (just under 2 & just over 4 year olds), I would say the hard part began at ~18 months with both our kids. Our oldest is now already much easier than he was a year or 2 ago.

first year was the easiest with both - the only real difficulty was the sleep deprivation.

[Gibbon1]

What I've seen is relationships where one or both people are displaying contempt for each other, either end or worse continue.

Merging the child rearing culture from two families is often a source of friction. Personally I think a lot of that is over things that don't matter as children are pretty adaptable.

And yeah it usually gets progressively easier after kids get to school age.