| I will add another comment that is about half a question: My feeling is you are accelerating into the great ride of frustrated discovery that we all do as the working parts of society become clearer and the injustices of any one person being born into any one lifetime become obvious. I have until recently been so intensely frustrated with the obvious disparities and glaring ugliness of human systems that I (literally) drove myself to madness and homelessness as a result. As the smoke has cleared it did so presenting some beautiful insights into myself, others, and the longer-game realities that are not easily proven to exist beneath a materialist analysis. So what I am admitting is that I had a bonafide spiritual awakening complete with utter destitution, hallucination, visions of beings and glimpses into those workings that great teachers assure us are very really, actually churning out reality. It has brought me an extraordinary degree of peace with the exact same impassioned, treadmill-despising, revolting obvious inequalities you're riffing on in your writing. My instinct is to believe you are on the way into a (hopefully less degrading) awakening similar to mine. At a time when I had arguments similar to what it is you're sharing I was back from a war, doing Occupy Wall Street protests, anti-NSA and pro-openess animations, anti-corruption campaign finance reform marches.. I went crazy with effort to solve exactly what you're pointing out. I think there was no other way. You can not unsee what you find unlivable. So my guess is you have to push through into whatever is next for you and I bet if you are able to find a workable value-base to hold to, you will emerge with evidence for yourself on how it is actually (now) livable. 8 years ago I was like: "no way, it's gotta change" Now I'm like: "okay.. it IS changing.. just like it always has." |
A very slightly different version of me could sit on a cloud and spectate. This version of me got assigned the personal responsibility to do something about this mess, which I continue to work towards.