[ergothus]

I'm not a psychologist so I should probably shut up, but I'll continue:

It seems like it does hit the tech field more often, yet overwhelmingly I see leading people in tech get softer, more empathetic, and more open to outside ideas the longer they work and the more experience they gain.

Perhaps this is selection bias (the people I see are the "popular" ones, so of course they are the ones with more social awareness), or perhaps there is no hard and fast "genius requires ego". Note: I'm aware you didn't say that it did, you only mentioned that abrasive-ness seems disproportionately frequent in the tech field.

I'm all for improving our understanding and ways of communication - I've definitely known people in the "asshole" category that were surprised and bothered to discover that was how they came across - but I'm not interested in normalizing abuse as a necessary cost. Which, again, you didn't say nor imply, but the concepts are related to what you've brought up, so I mention it here because the topic is interesting, not as a counterpoint.