[highlysyntropic]

Disagree. This is too compromising. You'll suffer.

Doesn't make sense. You say you'd feel worse being a despot, but say you'd have "learnt the hell" that results by compromising. Worse than hell?

Boundaries are not just for people you want block. It's for everybody. It's not about them. It's about what you want. It's what's good for you.

You choose your own experience pal, but the way I see it is, if you're feeling these things the author describes...that's not good for you.

I'm not trying to convince you. You've got to choose your own way. To me it's a clear choice. What's good for you needs to trump what's good for others, otherwise you'll hurt yourself. So, boundaries.

I understand if it's the first time you've encountered the concept. Or seen it so boldly applied. But...I think it's warranted. The magnitude of suffering of these OSS guys is staggering. And to my view, they do it to themselves by not saying no. That's all.

I am grateful you help me explore it more...but I found that everything you raised I'd already thought of, or was already covered by the approach I propose to it. Good chance to reinforce the idea tho.

[austinjp]

Horses for courses. Some people will respond better in one environment, others won't. There's no One True Way.

[highlysyntropic]

Not really tho. In this case, there really is a One True Way, here! If you're doing more than you want to, and what you don't want to, for other people, you're not gonna enjoy it. Going beyond your boundaries, and violating your own comfort and principles, it's not gonna be good for you. Should be obvious.

If people are asking you to do things, and you don't want to, just do what you want. I know it's hard to resist sometimes. But that's sort of why the discipline is essential.

Of course, there's also..."push out of your comfort zone" and "stretch to your limit" and "live at your edge"... but that's a whole different thing. Those things should be taken in small doses, for you for excitement and enjoyment, like extreme training or skydiving or whatever, at totally consensual choice by yourself. But that's not what we're talking about.

Sure some people choose self-punishment. But that doesn't mean it's good for them. People choose a lot of stuff, for long times, that aren't necessarily good for them. They complain about it. When they could have just said no. Humans.

[austinjp]

The behaviour described is entirely selfish. There's plenty of evidence that the opposite, selfless behaviour, is highly beneficial and can actually be enjoyable.

If you never compromise for the sake of others you'll find yourself lonely and disliked.

There's no correct or incorrect here, no black and white. It's a big spectrum of grey. There is a balance, and it's hard to find.