[tptacek]

Be very wary of taking the counteroffer.

They don't have a chip on their shoulder. Necessarily. But they have a very rational concern that you, unlike your peers, are particularly likely to bolt. Many forms of compensation, including bonuses, training, and senior positions on teams, are viewed in terms of investments that pay off or lose depending on whether you're retained.

I wasted a year and a half or so of my career by accepting a counteroffer (I didn't really want to leave that badly) and getting marginalized.

That doesn't mean every counteroffer is bad, but I would be up-front and overt about the concern that the "counteroffer" you've been offered is really more of an "option" on you, so that you'll leave on the company's terms and not your own.

[m0nastic]

I had a scenario a few years back where I interviewed with another company in which the person I interviewed with was friends with someone I worked with.

As part of their due diligence, they asked that person about working with me, and that person then proceeded to tell my boss that they heard I was looking for another job.

My boss then spent the next few months transitioning all of my responsibilities away to other managers, basically leaving me with no responsibilities.

Thankfully, I transitioned back to being a consultant, and all of them were fired; but you don't even need a counter-offer to be marginalized. Sometimes, just talking to another company is enough to do it. So be wary.

[eschutte2]

Did you write on your resume, "Do not contact my current employer without my permission?"

[m0nastic]

I did. I also explained that the place I worked had a very strict policy forbidding any employee from serving as a reference (the only thing we're allowed to do is give them an 800 number to call which will verify employment)

The person I worked with was apparently a really really good friend of the person I was interviewing, so I assume it just came up in conversation, like "Hey, do you know so-and-so. They're applying for a job here."

Amusingly, the guy actually did speak well of me to his friend, he just then proceeded to notify my boss that I was interviewing at another company.

[philbarr]

I'm surprised you're so calm about it. I would have been furious!

[m0nastic]

I was annoyed when it happened, but it was a few years ago, and I try not to dwell on negative experiences. Usually about a day after something happens, I process it and move on.

Also, it tangentially led me to go back to doing technical work, which I much prefer. Having all my responsibilities as a manager removed forced me to decide what I really wanted to do at that point in my career. On the whole, I'd say it worked out for the best.