[cj]

I agree with this article, from a slightly different perspective.

I’m a solo founder, company started 2015, went through accelerator, VC funding, etc.

There’s a certain level of emotional stress I can handle, and with everything that goes into making a startup succeed, I was right at my limit for multiple years.

Looking back (with my startup profitable, stable, running well), the thing I hate thinking about most is simply that I’ve lost 4 years of my 20’s that I could have used dating, finding “the one”.

Now I’m 28, still not “too late” by any measure, but now in “catch up” mode as far as dating goes.

For many founders, the same applies to becoming disconnected with family and friends. Founders endure an enormous amount of stress, and the simplest way to cope (when you have the mindset “startup over everything”) is to simplify and strip one’s life of everything outside your startup, which I absolutely don’t recommend, but am guilty of doing and I think is a not so uncommon thing amongst founders as a whole.

Maybe it’s not emotional debt in the same way as technical debt, but there is a time debt that results from prioritizing 1 thing so highly, and pushing all else to the side, often years on end. When you come around the other side and realize it 3-4 years later, it’s difficult.

[erulabs]

Hey Cj!

28 is still very young - you'll be fine! I am also a founder, and do wonder sometimes if I'm not working hard enough - ie: stripping away everything in my life. I'm a bit older than you, and worked myself to the bone in my 20s without much equity to show for it - and now I pace myself a bit. That said, I often notice times where my 20 year old self would have simply not slept, and instead I sleep for 6 hours and call it a necessary compromise.

Sometimes I feel good about this, responsible. Other times I feel guilty, a slacker or worse: old.

Looking back, do you think you would have accomplished as much as you did had you balanced your life - for example, "spent" those 4 years going on the occasional date? I often hear the "yes, I burnt myself hard for my startup", from successful founders, and I don't often hear the conclusion to the thought: "would you have done it differently?"

[cj]

> Looking back, do you think you would have accomplished as much as you did had you balanced your life - for example, "spent" those 4 years going on the occasional date?

A resounding “yes”. Not because I would have been less burnt out, but because I would have less tunnel vision (which is a symptom of focusing on 1 thing so hard for so long). Less tunnel vision = broader perspective. I think I would have contributed more to the growth of our company faster had I slowed down and not turned down every social engagement to “reply to just a few more emails or push that last bug fix”.

I would 100% have done it differently. Looking back, those “last few emails” and “last few bug fixes” were not nearly as important to our company as keeping my social circle (and by proxy, dating life) intact.

I don’t know if I’d go as far as to say I regret it, because a lot of good things happened that may not have if I weren’t as focused. Probably easiest to sum it up by saying if I could tell my younger self 1 thing, it would be that being a successful founder / having a successful exit will only be as rewarding as the people you have to share it with (family, friends, significant other). Money on its own to a single person is worth very little

[ip26]

I often notice times where my 20 year old self would have simply not slept, and instead I sleep for 6 hours and call it a necessary compromise.

I remember doing that when I was twenty. I also remember how useless I always was come 10AM, and how I could fall asleep standing by noon.

By and large I don't think I'm any less able to pull an all nighter, get really drunk, eat trash, or do the other things. I think I'm just a lot more aware of the consequences.

[Swizec]

Can confirm, got a day job and a sidehustle. At some point a few years ago I just decided it’s easier to not have friends. Between the girlfriend, two jobs, and staying sane with workouts ... there’s simply no time left.

The toxic part of this cycle is that as an introvert I don’t even find myself missing having friends. For now. If I ever hit a rough patch in life hot damn is that gonna be bad.

But you know what? Friends can be remade. Relationships rekindled. All is not lost.

The grass is greener where you water it.

[mnky9800n]

Tbh you don't really want to get married so early anyways. My wife and I both agree we got married too early and we were about your age. Now we are in our 30s and feel closer to actually being ready to get married even though we been married ten years now. But we did phds and are academic scientists instead of startup founder. But to be a successful scientist isn't a job where you get a lot of free time for friends and family.

[foreverloop]

hi cj. Look... humbly said... just some thoughts from some experiences:

1. "Friends" can be a very bad influence. It really depends on their quality and most times you don't know that until a decade later. The bad influence can be insidious and barely noticeable but it adds up. The influence is not even intentional, it just comes from the inner insecurities that we all have, it's a human thing. In some cases for me it led me to some dead ends and wasted life opportunities (sometimes even bad situations I had to recover from and took a huge toll on me stress wise). Because I was weak and influential (might not be your case, but it was mine) and just a few words and ideas spoken and planted in my head were enough that in the long run I did not do what I knew inside that I was supposed to do. Sure, that is my own weakness of character at cause, but I'm just saying.

2. I want to strongly emphasize this: you now have a successful business you say. You have something set aside to live off so look at it this way: your life starts.... NOW! From now on you can start dating and "living" without too many worries and you do not depend on anything that much. Now you can date, raise a family and everything without all the stress of also needing to grow a business or climbing the corporate ladder.

3. Do you think that after 4 years of dating you would have "found the one"? I wouldn't be so sure. I've seen young people in long therm relationships ... and most relationships started at that age fell apart by 30. And then? You would have been with no business AND no "the one". Also, before 28.... most guys and girl are still immature. They do not know what they want in life and are not realistic. I've seen marriages fall apart after 4 years in their 20s. Now towards 30s and beyond people are more mature and the quality of dating will be much higher, you will see.

4. You don't have to catch up to anyone. Just do your own thing. You now have the comfort of not worrying about a job, because of your hard work. You are free to go date. 5. Being an independent business owner might be appealing to potential "the one" material ladies, you proved that you can succeed in life.

6. Lastly if you are a bit down because of all the missing out, take some time gather some money, after this corona crisis is over, do some traveling. Go to Europe, go to Japan, spend some time trying new things if you can safely afford it. Or if you are completely worry free financially, maybe enroll in a MSc program at some university and live the campus life.

7. Now you can focus on a partner when you find one, much more that people (like me :) ) who also have to focus on career at the same time. Find someone with the same life goals as you.

[cj]

Comments like this are why I normally avoid posting personal things on HN.