[JadeNB]

> There are two commas you can remove and one you can add (after "unfortunately"). Overall great edit.

I have come to appreciate over time that most people have an inbuilt, highly intuitive command of where commas should go, and that any two people will disagree mightily over it. To me, those commas can be removed, but doing so disrupts the readability of the sentence since they are usefully signalling where one might pause—but I know from experience that plenty of people, including fluent native speakers of English, use way fewer commas than I do.

[hammock]

Commas are required between two independent clauses. However, in this case the commas in question don't separate two independent clauses. There is only one subject in each sentence. They are not necessary (maybe even incorrect) and create distance between the subject and verb, decreasing readability. For this reason I suggested removing them.