[briefcomment]

This is very effective in my experience.

This kind of simplicity always gets praise in work environments, without explicitly being identified as "simplicity".

Your rewrite was particularly skilled. Sometimes, it's hard to see that some things aren't adding value.

Another tip:

-In Emails, liberally use new paragraphs. Sometimes, even one sentence paragraphs are ok.

I think this is because any way of compartmentalizing writing in non-trivial ways improves comprehension. It gives cues on how to digest the ideas in the writing.

[aggie]

> Sometimes, even one sentence paragraphs are ok.

They're more than ok -- they're a great attention management device! Don't worry about stuffy rules of prose when writing an email.