[nixpulvis]

I'm enjoying this read, however one example stood out to me. I personally find:

"Although Mr. Doe was found to be eligible for this position; all of the positions in Boston had already been filled by our personnel office prior to receiving his application."

to sound much better than:

"Though we found Mr. Doe eligible for the position, our personnel office had filled all positions in Boston before we received his application."

YMMV

[mrob]

And from https://plainlanguage.gov/guidelines/conversational/use-must... :

Before: "The applicant shall be notified by registered mail in all cases where the permit applied for is not granted, and shall be given 30 days within which to appeal such decision."

After: "We will notify you by registered mail if we reject your application. You must file an appeal of that decision within 30 days."

That changes the meaning to make it sound like appeal is mandatory. It should be something like "If you choose to appeal that decision, you must file your appeal within 30 days."