|
|
|
|
|
|
by hansthehorse
2293 days ago
|
|
|
I had/have mouth neck cancer. The mouth part was at the very base of my tongue where it enters the throat. The hole they dug via robotic surgery on my tongue is 1x1x.5 I was told half of all people who undergo this end up with a permanent feeding tube so I should try my best to keep eating. Started radiation 2 weeks after surgery while I still couldn't swallow my spit. I ended up mostly surviving on the softest and most calorie dense concoction I could think of - yogurt with both caramel ice cream sauce and maple syrup mixed in. After 6 months I had learned both what pain really was and what morphine withdrawal meant in real terms. I've had 3 clean PET scans since but I sometimes lie awake wondering if I can force myself to go through it again if the test comes back positive. The 24/7 pain of that 6 month stretch will change the way you look at things in your life. |
|
|
I had a "swallowing coach" who was a doppelganger for David Mitchell. The WILTY guy. The best posh comedian. And yes, a swallowing coach is a real thing. I was charged 600 a hour for him to watch me eat pudding and be taught how to gargle water. This was actually really important. The radiation killed my ability to swallow. Every muscle in my neck died.I knew I was fucked when I couldn't swallow a pill.
Funny thing is I had to use the blue box (Kraft Dinner, Mac and Cheese) to get my throat working again. I started with noodles that were cooked for 15 minutes and were mush. And I slowly worked my way to Al dente. To get my throat to open up again. I was threatened with them putting a balloon down my throat and inflating and deflating it over and over and over again to work out my neck muscles enough to swallow. I hate the endoscope so the balloon is my worst nightmare. My muse. But the blue box worked. A have to add a lot of milk since I don't really produce saliva anymore. Permanent dry-mouth has been the worst thing about my year of horror.
This is why I quit my computer job and started doing woodworking for a living. I make less but actually enjoy woodworking. When I was deep in radiation and chemo I got a bunch of credit cards and outfitted a nice workshop. I was pretty sure I wouldn't have to actually pay back the debt, because I would be dead. But I am still here. So fuck..