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by colanderman
2322 days ago
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Least future regret. That is, when faced with a consequentional decision, I ask myself, "ten years from now, how much will I regret [not] doing this?" I find this helps roll up a healthy combination of long-term thinking and YOLO-ness into a single easy metric. YMMV. Example: I'm an introvert in my mid 30s. Lately I've been taking many more opportunities to bond with and make friends which I wouldn't have done for various reasons in the past. This is because I predict if I don't, I will sorely regret these missed opportunities in my 40s, when friendship is more scarce; this currently outweighs my predicted regret for the default alternative (spending that time focusing on career/family/personal projects). YMMV. |
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I'm not sure when I adopted this mentality. Perhaps after the death of my mother.
Minimizing regret makes no sense, unless you know that regret will consume your thoughts when older. I'm nearing 40 and I'm already at the point where I can't do many of the things I took for granted (e.g., find a romantic partner easily, feel energized enough to be with friends, have heaps of time to be with my dad), but I don't find myself saying "gosh, I wish I had done this and that back then when I could." Even with my mother. There are some things I wish I could have said. But those thoughts don't consume me. It seems pointless to dwell on the past. Instead, I cherish it like a treasure. Like an old hard drive. I don't wish any sequence of bits was any different. It is what it is.
I did the thing that I considered right at the time, and while I can see that many of my decisions were incredibly stupid, I don't regret them one bit.
I find myself needing a better utility function these days to guide my life, but I haven't found it yet. Suggestions welcome.