Family therapists know this stuff already. Tell her that you want to make your marriage everything it could be and more, etc, etc, and get her to a therapist, where she'll learn it for herself. Worked for me ;)
"Hunny, I appreciate that you want to help me remember what needs doing, but it's overwhelming if you tell me as soon as I come home from a long day at work. I know I have a habit of forgetting, so let's make a deal: if I forget to do something come 9 PM, I'll take on one of your chores the next day. Does that sound fair to you?"
Or if your SO can take the hint from humor:
"If I had a nickel for every time you told me to take out the trash when I was about to do it..."
Sounds a lot cheaper than suffering this though:
"No it doesn't sound fair!! What, you can't remember something like that either??" or "You are ALWAYS Tired, God I have to do everything, why did I marry you..." etc, etc.
- Not that I hear that from anyone. Perhaps different strokes for different folk applies here?
- (PS: I love you honey)
The other (unwritten) upside being that therapy can help with a lot of other problems too... Of course you should openly talk about it. But sometimes an appeal to authority does wonders to get the point across.
"Hunny, I appreciate that you want to help me remember what needs doing, but it's overwhelming if you tell me as soon as I come home from a long day at work. I know I have a habit of forgetting, so let's make a deal: if I forget to do something come 9 PM, I'll take on one of your chores the next day. Does that sound fair to you?"
Or if your SO can take the hint from humor: "If I had a nickel for every time you told me to take out the trash when I was about to do it..."