[amerkhalid]

> "I hate to say this, because being ambitious has always been a part of my identity, but having kids may make one less ambitious. It hurts to see that sentence written down. I squirm to avoid it. But if there weren't something real there, why would I squirm? The fact is, once you have kids, you're probably going to care more about them than you do about yourself. And attention is a zero-sum game. Only one idea at a time can be the top idea in your mind. Once you have kids, it will often be your kids, and that means it will less often be some project you're working on."

To some extend cutting back on work to spend more time with kids is result of stable and wealthy society. Growing up back home, I had heard so many people worked harder and longer hours after their first child was born. Many people even left their families to work overseas so that they can create better future for their kids.

So depending where you are from or on your current circumstances, kids may make you less ambitious or more.

EDIT: to OP, as father in late 30s, I also question if I want to do programming long-term or something else. I used to think how I want to be remembered, but now I ask myself how I want my son to remember me. I don't know the answer yet, but this question help me refocus when I feel lost.

[kugelblitz]

Yes, it depends on the circumstances, of course. But I've seen myself make different (maybe perhaps smarter?) choices as well and so to have both a successful career and be with my family.

Yes, I could've taken a contract in a different city and earn a bit more. I used to take longer periods of time off to work on my own personal projects.

But nowadays, instead of working many late nights for 8 months, so I can take 4 months off to work on my personal projects, I usually work 10-11 months, but less hours per week. So I'm home earlier every day and I'm not exhausted every night.

I ask recruiters and colleagues 1-2 months before the end of the project (sometimes I take a few weeks off between projects) and plan for the next project early - so I have more choices and am less under pressure. And in the past years I've been able to work only in local projects that don't require travel outside my city.

Instead of learning niche-y tech because it looks cool on my resume (e.g. Svelte, Elixir / Phoenix or Clojure) I use my time to learn Python or React instead. Why? Because it increases my general market value as a freelancer better. My employed colleagues with no spouse and kids will use their free evenings to program in Golang to create a game that has not launched after a year. They're doing it just for fun. Me? Should I have a some spare time for side projects, I will try to learn something like Python with Flask or Django to create a side-project that will hopefully launch within a few weeks and perhaps I can even make some money off of it a few months down the road. "Worst case" I learnt Python and have a portfolio project to show off.