[dhconnelly]

My father is also an alcoholic, went to AA for a while, has had two divorces since because of drinking. My sister is an alcoholic, my mother is a prescription drug addict. The way this manifests in me is that I'm obsessed with Not Being An Alcoholic. So I drink. Because it's Not A Problem! Sometimes I drink too much, sometimes it lasts for months. And then I Prove To Myself that I'm not an alcoholic, and I stop for a bit. And start again, but like a Well-Adjusted Person! And sometimes not, and everything is coming apart, and then I do it again, stop drinking for a bit, and I think to myself, "Well, at least I'm not an alcoholic!"

Edit: Let me mention that the guardrails on this have narrowed since my daughter was born.

[dpark]

You must realize you’re describing relapsing alcoholic behavior, right?

I would think this was sarcasm if not for the edit.

[Red_Leaves_Flyy]

I think it's important to note that he describes a functional alcoholic. He seems to be managing his responsibilities and dependents without egregious carelessness.

This is distinction is important to note so friends and families can identify regressions earlier and thus better manage the resulting behaviors. I don't support strict abstinence or the 12 stepsbut every addict needs a system thatcatches them well before their live disintegrates. By recognizing when someone is slipping from casual use into binges and benders we can all save lives, money, time, and relationships.

[dpark]

> I don't support strict abstinence

This is a strange statement. Is this poorly phrased or do you actually think recurring alcoholics should continue endlessly drinking and relapsing rather than abstaining?

I also don’t think addicts should expect friends and family to be their guardrails. If you cannot drink in moderation without slipping into alcoholic behaviors, then it’s on you to stop rather than expect others to attempt to manage your addiction for you. It’s unhealthy, irresponsible, and inconsiderate to attempt to put that burden on others. Not only is this likely an ineffective strategy, but it drives others away.

[Red_Leaves_Flyy]

You misunderstand me.

I don't support forcing strict abstinence on people. For example, the fake marijuana crisis that ravaged Florida and the rest of America years ago wouldn't have occurred had marijuana been legal. Instead every impoverished broken person on probation had a new fix available to them. This time it was dangerous untested drugs made in sketchy Chinese labs.

If someone swears off (x) then that's their decision. If I tell you to never eat meat, drink milk, or travel via any method that consumes fossil fuels you'd rightly think I'm crazy. Just the same, telling addicts to stop drinking or drugging when just about everyone they know does is crazy. Do I need to explain why?

The expectation is not to have addicts rely on their family to keep them from falling off the wagon. Instead, when you accept the fact that strict abstinence is a pipe dream you have to start actually planning how you live around an addict instead of blithely thinking they'll never relapse you can help them get back on their feet. If that's too much to ask of you then you aren't their friend and should warn them that you're not going to help them when they're struggling. Because there's a solid chance that if someone is relapsing a lot of other shit went wrong. And if you're a close friend or family then you carry some responsibility for not helping them.

[dhconnelly]

Yes :)

[deepaksurti]

AA = Alcoholics Anonymous. [1]

[1] https://www.aa.org

[samcodes]

Whoa, great description of this dynamic. Is the desire to drink consistent, or does it vary? Does it vary with the cycles of healthy / unhealthy consumption, or with a different period?

[dhconnelly]

It’s not consistent. It mostly varies with levels of stress and anxiety, but there’s also a strong feedback loop.