[dc443]

I think you're overthinking it. I totally get where you're coming from, but overwhelmingly what you wrote makes me feel that you've given up on actually enjoying what you do for work. You should place more value on that, if for no other reason than when you enjoy something, it's a positive feedback loop for improving everything: your own mood, your productivity, your self-improvement motivations, and your compensation.

[lsc]

For me, solving technical problems often gives me a great deal of satisfaction. I mean, it is sometimes a real slog, too... nothing is fun all the time... but sometimes the worst slogs come with the greatest satisfaction. and sometimes not! Sometimes you work hard and get nothing. it happens. It's okay to work hard sometimes. It's okay for that to be unpleasant sometimes. Difficult experiences are part of what it is to be a human.

I mean, sure, it's impolite to complain all the time, but I would have to be way more desperate than I am to take a job where I always have to pretend to be happy; I have a pretty nice technical individual contributor role, and that's one of the strongest reasons I avoid management when I can, even though, as you point out, if I had better emotional regulation; if I was better able to be happy (or disappointed or angry) on command I would be able to make more money as a manager. (don't get me wrong; I can totally see myself being that desperate. And if I thought I had a reasonable chance of holding down a management job for very long, I'd have to think long and hard on it.)

It's more than that, though. Those roles, acting happy all the time feels... inauthentic to me. For that matter, nearly all of the "self improvement through positive thinking" stuff feels inauthentic to me; self-improvement, for me, is accomplished through introspection and work.