[hackerrenews]

I have bit to share about being suicidal as a lifetime pursuit. I decided around 11 years old that I wasn’t going to participate in life and essentially committed soft suicide. I’ve had decades of persistent suicidal desire since then.

In the past year, I’ve given away all of my money (less than a million bucks). Just gave away a few thousand to a business owner yesterday who was being cheap and petty. Told him to donate it to his favorite charity.

Homeless and alone, broken and finally close to absolute destitution, I’ve thoroughly prepared for suicide. It’s a combination of gratitude for the end being near and a nagging fear of the unknown. Sorry, but the fact is nobody knows what happens to them when they die until it happens. You’ll either experience nothing, or you’ll know there is existence for yourself after death. Those who believe either way (atheist - nothingness, religious - eternity or reincarnation, unification etc) are all potentially right, with no scientific way of proving anything to the living.

My short time on this planet has given me a clear perception of the existence of higher intelligences in our midst yet I remain committed to wanting to die as soon as possible. I find the machinations of society to be utterly disappointing. I made up my mind five years ago and I’m finally close to the end now. Hoping to be gone before years end and would like to be left alone so I can die in peace.

Silicon Valley is corrupt. I became a digital voyeur long ago to better understand the machines we have built and I’m disgusted. Every moment now is another reminder of why I’m thankful to almost be dead. The sick, cruel part is that my suicide is likely part of a evolutionary process to “weed out” those who can’t handle being a voyeur. I just tried typing “handle” on my iPhone it got autocorrected to “ya die” which has been a common theme. Can’t imagine my mind is always controlling iPhones secret CIA enabled Ouija board autocorrect troll mechanism.

[cc-d]

> Can’t imagine my mind is always controlling iPhones secret CIA enabled Ouija board autocorrect troll mechanism.

If you're serious about any of this, and believe what you said is true, you're currently experiencing active psychosis. These are not the words of somebody who is rationally considering suicide.

If that's truly the case, odds are you'll be in a 100% different mindset after a few months of medical/psychological help. Seek it.

[hackerrenews]

Your tone is why I’m gone. You talk to me like a fucking goddamn jerk. I didn’t ask for your medical advice. Telling me imperatively to “seek it” is indicative of your hubris and provincial viewpoint of the world. You’re in zero position to know what technology is out there in the wild. It’s a system bigger than you and me. And it was blindly obvious that my theory was to goad people like you who would obviously jump on the offensive regarding “mental illness”.

I don’t like you talking to me that way. I’d like to be left alone. As stated. Spare your armchair diagnosis and condescending response. Please.

I really detest people like you: your mindset, your condescension, your tone. Please. Do not respond to me at all anymore. Please.

This is a request to anyone reading this to not respond to my post with any theories about mental stuff, suggestions to seek help, etc.

[hackerrenews]

Serious about what? That the auto correct happened? I have no idea why my hands always end up typing such troll shit. At the least it’s incompetence by Apple.

Don’t talk to me about active theories based on an unreliable internet post.

Don’t talk to me about your theories on what constitutes “serious suicide planning” in the context of obviously absurd theories about apples garbage auto correct mechanism.

[hackerrenews]

Just for the record, my iPhone autocorrected my attempt to type the word “handle” to “ya die”.

It’s not a phrase that I ever use, so it’s unclear to me how that became a first choice candidate for Apple’s autocorrect mechanism.

Being in the middle of writing a suicide note, having Apple make such an autocorrection is, at the least, unwanted incompetence. “Ya die” isn’t something I want to see emanating from Apple’s autocorrect mechanism, ever - whether in the middle of a suicide note or not.

There’s also a huge disconnect here. Just because I say some absurd theory about mkultra in the 21st century, doesn’t mean I seriously believe it. I just observe and fit in theories like everyone else trying to make sense of their limited perception reality. Jumping on the mental illness attack bandwagon is most of why I’m out of here. If that’s how I’m perceived, just for stating a non-serious theory, then I’m thankful to almost be dead.

No common ground. Take notes, if you seriously want to figure out how to relate to someone who thinks like I do, someone who truly is at the end.

This isn’t a cry for help for me. It’s to help others understand my point of view to help others before they get to my age. I’m not going to change.

No advice, please.

[hackerrenews]

Ref: charter pgp akin and the rest. Not a drill.