[hestipod]

It's not freedom to "accept" being permanently and worsenginly sick and homeless or constantly living under that threat. It's not freedom to "accept" being in severe pain every day. It's not freedom to be in the "present" in those situations. Freedom is having positive choices, agency, hope. This stuff is nothing more than a psychological trick that I cannot sustain to say "I am powerless and this sucks but that's ok" and I will be some stone in the water or other bollocks. It's not ok and I will not keep living like that. I refuse. I don't WANT life to end but I cannot and will not live a life that's nearly 100% terrible and since the real and practical options to survive are denied there is no other path. I am not buddha and I reject that I HAVE to stay alive in this condition. I don't need something to do...something to study...as if I just lack purpose. Telling a drowning and tortured person to get a hobby or be in the moment is absurd. I need Maslow's bottom rungs secured. Everyone wants to fight for you not to die...but people will not help you live.

[bmer]

Okay, sorry for being presumptuous.

[hestipod]

I am a fool who can't help but read things hoping something good happens even when I am so upset I want to stomp out to have SOME control of SOMETHING. So I read your long reply before you edited it. I won't tear it down because you DID remove it. I just want you to know that's the kind of thing my family does...strangers have done...the unfair and wrong beliefs about me. It's only hopes and prayers, blame like that, and ONE actionable offer that life took away in 15 years. I am sorry it's so bad for you too. I am glad you have social assistance as a foundation. Everyone should have that net and it's what I most need and not having that is why I am so distraught and angry. I have always lived a life caring about the world, other people...animals (I spend part of my meager income on a cat that was one of 12 or so from 3 litters my family never cared for properly and never spayed/neutered and all died/disappeared from their garage but her, and I took her to the vet and make sure she is cared for since they don't seem to care half the time...having to adopt her out in the end is a great stress for me because I cannot guarantee her future with me here or not)...and proved it in my actions. Always. That I am falling to pieces now and cannot even manage myself doesn't invalidate any of that.

[_mul0]

I didn't take my reply down because I didn't mean it, or because I thought it was wrong. I took it down because I felt that I didn't know enough about your life. I was finding multiple aspects of your response grating making it difficult for me to remain non-judgemental. So, I decided it would be better to simply "apologize and move on".

I find your comparison of me with your family to be extremely insulting, as you know nothing about my life.

The mistake I made, which in your eyes makes me as good as a bunch of right-wing misers, was to 1) suggest a key aspect of what my own therapy was based around, and 2) share with you what _I_ found was something useful in improving my "suffering".

However, you decided to take it as yet another sign of how people are judging you (Jon Kabat-Zinn has a lot to say about non-judgementalness too, and that was another key aspect of my therapy), missing the fact that you are judging others, and in particular in the course of this interaction, me.

I do not have the resilience, capacity, or training to deal with such judgements.

I think that you can read my first response in many different ways. You chose one perspective, and perhaps, in the future you may choose to read it in other ways. Apart from that response, in which I gave you what I felt were the most valuable things I had to offer to anyone, I have nothing else to give you.

I'll leave you with a quote from J. Kabat-Zinn's "Full Catastrophe Living":

> Acceptance does not mean that you have to like everything or that you have to take a passive attitude toward everything and abandon your principles and values. It does not mean that you are satisfied with things as they are or that you are resigned to tolerating things as they “have to be.” It does not mean that you should stop trying to break free of your own self-destructive habits or to give up on your desire to change and grow, or that you should tolerate injustice, for instance, or avoid getting involved in changing the world around you because it is the way it is and therefore hopeless.

> Acceptance as we are speaking of it simply means that you have come around to a willingness to see things as they are. This attitude sets the stage for acting appropriately in your life, no matter what is happening. You are much more likely to know what to do and have the inner conviction to act when you have a clear picture of what is actually happening than when your vision is clouded by your mind’s self-serving judgments and desires or its fears and prejudices.

[hestipod]

I don't know what you are on about or doing...the post you took down was full of insults and retorts to things I didn't say and simply wrong about me. It was cruel and projecting. You said several strange and aggressive things like I should stop pretending I care at all about other people, the planet, or animals...no idea where that came from nor is it true in any way. You said several untrue things what were oddly blaming. Now you say you weren't wrong and meant it and aren't sorry. I am just not dealing with that anymore from anyone, anywhere. I shouldn't have replied at all to begin with as I saw this coming. Take whatever shots you need to. None of it matters anymore. Goodbye.

[bmer]

At this point, I am fairly sure you're baiting me...or, that's just me reading the worst in this interaction. Not sure. I'll ask the moderators to restore my post for the record. In any case, this has been an interesting learning experience.