[ljm]

I’m a coach in training and question number 3 there is a powerful question. That’s a really great question to ask because you’re not getting involved in the topic, you’re not giving them ideas, and you’re not working through it for them.

The others are too nuanced to easily explain, but “what are you going to do with that,” is a fucking fantastic question when a friend confides in you. You’re right that this requires some level of safety, but you are making sure they are still self-empowered.

The worst thing you can do is remove that agency and try to solve someone’s problems for them.

[hysan]

This is a great teaching technique as well. It opens the door for students to realize that they can attempt to solve a problem on their own. You also gain more insight into what roadblocks they are running into and what to really focus on. They also get to practice conveying their thoughts and in some cases, this builds confidence as they might find that they were much closer to the answer than they thought.

[ljm]

This is classic mentoring. The difference between mentoring and coaching is that as a mentor you will offer answers. As a coach, you will offer none. In both cases you’re giving them the ropes but in the first you’re holding their hand around them.

And as a teacher, you are telling them.

[jimmaswell]

"My car's been having trouble" "I know a good mechanic" "Oh my god how dare you take my agency away from me, I'm never talking to you again"

Good riddance if that's how somebody in my life ever reacted in that situation.

[jdsully]

The difference is whether the person is expected to manage the situation on their own. If I said that to a buddy of mine who I know works on his own car he would be upset. He imagines himself capable of working on cars and I just communicated I don't think he can handle it.

Nobody wants to be the person that other people see as a basket case. Just because someone is upset doesn't mean they can't solve the problem.

[jimmaswell]

You can make a scenario where anything is rude. Here, if he said something and you said "could it be the fuel pump" that should also be an inoffensive comment, not prompt him feeling like "how dare this fool presume to lecture me about the inner machinations of an automobile; let this mark the end of our friendship"

[olyjohn]

I dunno man, I think this is more for situations where people are having personal or emotional issues. Things that they might be trying to work through. Not for troubleshooting a broken car or computer.

[ljm]

Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance explores exactly this beautifully.

[adamsea]

Unasked-for advice is often not actually helpful and more about the advice-giver than the receiver.

They would probably not say that and just slowly freeze you out of their social life because they found you annoying, grating, or unpleasant to interact with.

People often simply want to share what's going on and be heard and recognized. It's a basic human need.

Obviously it all depends on the situation.

[goto11]

Can you imagine the reverse scenario, people giving you unsolicited advice?

Most people just don't like advice they didn't ask for.

[bloak]

Does that "most" mean 60% of people, or 90%?

Unsolicited advice only annoys me if it's long-winded and preventing me from doing something else.

Also, I don't know what "validation" is in this context. Oxford English Dictionary doesn't seem to adequately cover psychobabble (though it does at least have the word "psychobabble").

[ljm]

Do you need a coach to fix your car? Almost certainly no.

If you’re trying to be absurd or sarcastic then I think you need someone like me to help you with that, and I won’t.

[Angostura]

Maybe try to establish whether it is something they could fix themselves first?

[hawaiianbrah]

What are you a coach in training for?

[ljm]

I think I want to do life coaching but more often than not I work with relationships. Relationships are a strong part of life.

I’m a programmer but I don’t enjoy writing code. I enjoy helping people with themselves.

So I strongly advocate for anyone who wants a way in and I choos to use my coaching skills to be a cheerleader for new and existing talent.

But to answer your question, I’m a coach in training for coaching.