[Silhouette]

The alternative would be to write a side effect inside your `render()` function, which is illegal

That's one alternative. Another is not to try implementing behaviour that has nothing to do with rendering using a rendering library in the first place.

A horrible amount of accidental complexity has been created in the React ecosystem when people have tried to use it like a full framework. If all you have is a hammer, maybe it's time to consider using other tools as well.