[monkeynotes]

Real world relationships, those that are truly meaningful, take a lot of investment from both sides.

Outside of the lab being vulnerable carries significant risk. For one, you risk being taken advantage of. This happens all the time, people are manipulated for sex, financial gain, and sometimes just for social status gains (clique shunning etc.).

It's pretty common for vulnerable bonding to be misused by one or both parties. This can be in the form of using inside knowledge for blackmail or negative gossip/social shaming of some form.

People can be horrible. Finding good friends takes time because you have to learn to trust each other. Fast friends in my experience do not last.

[Retric]

I am not sure where you can draw a clear line on what is a meaningful relationship.

Some people decide to get married after knowing each other for a few weeks. Some of those marriages even end up healthy and lasting long term. If anything I think it’s maintaining a real relationship that takes time not forming it.

[monkeynotes]

> Some people decide to get married after knowing each other for a few weeks.

This is a high risk scenario. Being vulnerable early demonstrably can accelerate a relationship, but as I mentioned this is a high risk approach that most people would not recommend as the norm.

[throwaway35784]

It's a definitional problem. Building lasting relationships takes time because it's only after a long time that it will be considered "lasting."

The question is: how quickly and how can you tell if a relationship will be lasting?

What are the signs?

What if its just a numbers game? Meet enough people. Some of them will last.

That said I'm "too trusting." I get burned all the time. Taken advantage of. I have a scarcity of natural love in my life and thus an abundance to give. Makes me a target for the narcissists.

Those who do love me think I'm brave for loving so freely -- everyone. Even those who hurt me. They know it's driven by a deeply personal isolation within my soul that waters my eyes in this moment. But they can never empathize and am happy for that.

[walterstucco666]

> Some of those marriages even end up healthy and lasting long term.

Survival bias.

Most of those "relationships" don't even get past the first date.